Yes we did it

story from a husband

Story from a husband - please read it slowly]

To my married and unmarried friends:


When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms


On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.


Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Who ARE YOU ????

Hi my friends and family,
This article is an extract from my friend/partner/coach, Adam khoo`s
upcoming book 'Winning the Game of Life!' Do look out for it soon!
Winning in the game of LIFE
I have definately reserved it! as he will definately email EVERYONE haha !
so maybe i should, no i guess i just made a
decision to do it for my company & aai family. yes!
feed your brain like how u feed yourself everyday!

here it goes......
After working with over 550,000 people in seven countries through
my seminars and coaching sessions, I have found that when a person
makes a change and it lasts, it is because they did not just make a
change at the behavioural, emotional or cognitive level, but they
make a shift at the level of self-identity.

What is the meaning of identity?
Identity is the belief you have
about who you are as a person. It is how you see yourself. I
remember watching an animated movie called 'Ice Age 2' that really
illustrates the power of identity. In the movie, there is a mammoth
(prehistoric elephant) named Ally who lost her herd when she was
just a baby. As a result, she was adopted by a family of possums
who brought her up as one of their own. Growing up in a family of
possums, she began to believe that she was a possum herself.

The result? She behaved like a possum. She played dead whenever
predators like birds flew overhead. She hung upside down to sleep
and ran away when other animals came. She never realized that she
was a mammoth, the largest and strongest animal around. One day,
she met a male mammoth by the name of Manny. Manny tried his best
to convince her that she was really a mammoth and she shouldn't be
running away and hiding from everything she saw.

He brought her to a pond and asked her to look at her own
reflection to see who she really was. When she looked into the
water, she exclaimed, 'I am a big fat possum!' She was still not
convinced she was a mammoth even though the evidence was right in
front of her. What is the lesson in this story?

Many of us are like that mammoth.
We have tremendous potential and
are capable of amazing things in life. However, as we go through
life, we are sometimes convinced by the people around us that we
are 'lazy', 'unlucky', 'incapable', 'weak' etc... The moment we start
to see ourselves as an average person', we start behaving like one.
We start lowering our standards and adopting limiting beliefs and
attitudes. Even when we are shown our true potential, we hold onto
our limiting beliefs and refuse to see the truth.

The Way You See Yourself Affects Your Destiny
The way you see yourself (your identity) affects what you think you
can or cannot do. This in turn affects want you want in life (your
goals and standards). What you want will affect what you do (your
actions). Finally, your actions will determine your results and
ultimately your destiny.

Understanding the power of identity has really impacted my life
personally. When I was in primary school, I used to have a very
negative self-identity. I used to see myself as loser. I saw myself
as a slow, lazy and lousy student. Reflecting back, I have come to
realize that my identity was shaped by my past experiences and the
negative comments that people kept saying to me.

I used to spend all my time procrastinating, watching TV and
playing computer games, instead of doing my homework and studying.
I found it difficult to understand and remember what was taught in
class, so I didn't bother to pay attention. As a result, I kept
failing my exams and was always among the last in class. My friends
would call me stupid and my parents, tutors and teachers kept
saying that I was lazy. All these experiences soon shaped the way I
saw myself-as a loser.

As long as I saw myself as an underachiever, I never thought that I
could ever amount to anything. As a result, I low standards and no
future goals. All I wanted to do was pass my exams. Not failing was
a great achievement for me. This in turn gave me no inspiration to
take action. I would always put in the minimum effort. The result,
I kept getting lousy grades. God knows where I would be today if I
still held onto that identity.

So what made that 180-degree change in my life?
I went through a
powerful experience that totally changed my identity. At the age of
13, I attended a personal development program for youths. During
the programme, we were put through a series of challenging
activities to prove to ourselves that we were capable of achieving
more than what we thought. I was taught that my past behavior and
results did not determine who I was. I alone had the power to
choose the person I wanted to be. We were all taught to realize
that we had tremendous potential and could achieve anything we put
our mind to.

After five days of intensive positive conditioning, I began to see
myself as a 'winner'. I learnt to visualize myself as an 'A'
student, a winner, a leader and a future millionaire. That simple
shift in my mind, made a tremendous shift in my thoughts,
behaviours and my life. With this new identity, I began to think
that everything was possible in life. I began to set much higher
standards for my life. I wanted so much more. I set goals of
topping my school, going to university and becoming a successful
entrepreneur. I began to behave differently. I started to study
hard, ask questions and step up whenever there was an opportunity.

No doubt, my grades began to improve and the rest is history.
Through my own life experience, I have come to realize that it is
only when we change the way we see ourselves, will our entire life
change. Today I get a huge level of satisfaction helping both
adults as well as youths create shifts in their identity through my
life transformational programmes.

Who Are You?

I want you to take a few minutes and to reflect on this question,
'Who are you?' 'How do you currently see yourself?' Do you see
yourself as a winner or an average person? A motivated person or a
lazy person? An adventurer? A coward? A leader or a follower? Are
you a failure or a success? Are you an intelligent person? Are you
attractive or unattractive? Be totally honest with yourself and do
this exercise now.
Take a look at the identity you have described. Are there certain
aspects to your identity that empower you? Of example, if you see
yourself as a very determined person, it is unlikely that you will
allow yourself to give up easily. At the same time, are there
certain aspects of your identity that limit you? For example, if
you see yourself as a lazy person, then you will subconsciously
behave in a way that is consistent with that identity.

You Are More Than Who You Think You Are

If you have negative or limiting aspects of your identity, the good
news is that it is not cast in stone. You can change it! You must
remember that the identity that you now have is the result of
generalizations you have made of your past experiences and
behaviours. It does not define you unless you allow it to.

For example, if you see yourself as a lazy person, how did you
create this self-identity? It could be that there were times in the
past when you set certain goals and did not follow through. You did
not take action at times when you needed to. After witnessing this
behaviour in yourself a few times, you came to the conclusion that
you are a lazy person. The people around you may have also labeled
you as being 'lazy' after observing your behaviour. Once you gave
yourself that lazy label, it became comfortable and acceptable to
keep doing it.

Understand that you are not your past behaviours. Your past
behaviours are the result of past choices you have made and
emotional states you were in. You have the power at any time to
make new choices, put yourself into an empowering state and take
action. However, the moment you believe that you are a lazy person,
you will not change your choices and your behaviours.

If We Want to Make a Sustainable Change, it Starts
With Changing Your Identity

Remember that if you want to change any kind of behaviour or
result, you have to first change the way you see yourself. If you
want to achieve a greater level of success in your life, you have
to first see yourself as a successful person. You will then think
and act like a successful person. You will carry yourself
differently, speak differently and dress differently. You will
spend your time more effectively and demand a lot more from
yourself.

Steps to Change Your Identity:

So, who must you BE to achieve the dreams and the life that that
you want? For example, if you want to increase your fitness and
health, adopt the identity a healthy and fit person.

If you want to be successful, you have to first adopt the identity
of a successful person! You must be someone who is motivated,
resilient, decisive and passionate. You must see yourself as a
leader and a role model.
Step 1: Write Down Your New Identity
The process begins with you consciously writing down the identity
you want for yourself. So take as much time as you need and write
down all the parts of your new identity. Do it now!

When I did this exercise many years ago, I wrote down: I am a
future millionaire, I am a winner, I am an 'A' student, I am
fearless, I am an entrepreneur, I am a never say die person etc...
Step 2: Visualize Yourself As That New Person

Everything is first created in the mind before it is manifested in
physical reality. For example, if you want to be financially
successful, see yourself as a millionaire in your mind. Imagine
yourself living the lifestyle you want; living in the home you
want, driving the car you want and making million dollar
investment decisions. Your mind gives you the power to create
anything you want. By visualizing something over and over again
with intensity, it programs our subconscious mind to move in that
direction, causing us to think and behave in that way.
Step 3: Consciously Act According to Your New Identity

The next thing to do is to follow through with your actions.
Consciously decide to act according to your new identity until it
reinforces into a habit. For example, if you now want to become a
sociable person, start taking the initiative to say hello to people
and strike up conversations. Make the effort to remember their
names, keep their name cards and to follow up with a call or an
email. If it is something you may have never done before (because
you were an introvert or shy person) then it may seem uncomfortable
at the beginning.

This is where you have to break through your comfort zone and keep
doing it over again until it becomes your new comfort zone. The
moment it becomes comfortable, your new identity will stay.
Step 4: Make Physical Changes

Finally, you can also make physical changes to reinforce your
identity. You could change your hairstyle, your makeup, your
clothes and your accessories that are in line with the new you.

The moment I became a speaker, I started to dress differently. I
wore suits most of the time and carried a business travel case. I
wore my hair in a more mature and professional way. Somehow, our
physical appearance affects how we see ourselves and how others see
us. You can't be an achiever and dress in a sloppy manner. It just
doesn't work! So start to look and dress the part and you will
become that person you want.

Love li shao (andrew)
aai family
no.1 in Asia, the Best in the World
We are the Miracles Makers