story from a husband

Story from a husband - please read it slowly]

To my married and unmarried friends:


When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms


On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.


Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

一个叫“心的别墅”

一个叫“心的别墅”
他的主人是一名很好客的人。
.. 但不知怎么了，主人有天，把所有的东西都停下，把＂心＂别墅的大门锁了起来！

因该是想好让它无干扰，无接触的慢慢康复吧.. 外面还有保护着它的恶犬。
只要有人经过或提起，恶犬就会凶！以免被触碰到
没人知道里面怎么了...

过后恶犬好像走了，过了很久大家也忘了有这件事..

因为主人交游广阔，开始又有很多人从远方而来，他们找主人想借宿。
好客的主人一口答应！

但奇怪的是！每当带大家到们口时，或前往时，
总是不自觉的推三阻四，或诸多刁难，都不自觉的把人给赶走了，
让大家都感到知难而退。

有天主人有位好朋友来了
他们畅谈的很投机，
主人说，你有落脚的地方吗？
朋友：暂时没有..
主人；别客气！我有间别墅叫＂心＂你可以去住啊！便吩咐下人带友人前往.

到了！友人正要把门打开时，发现原来心门锁上了！
友人；下人您主人有给你钥匙吗？

主人说这锁不用钥匙..

友人；那用什么？

主人说是用＂你的心 + 他的勇气＂

友人；那里面现在是怎样了？

下人；不知道，但主人有说，前面的路是自己走出来了。

友人；那勇气有了吗？

下人；主人每次说，不管跌倒受伤多少次，都没关系只要在爬起来就好了，一定要坚持信念。所以我相信他有。 主人是有诚意的邀请你。


各位有曾
因为怕受伤所以都不想解开心门吗..
所以喜欢把出现的机会，事业，感情，收入，等等，都不知觉的哄走吗？

有可能会再次受伤... 但若没「刻苦」哪来的「铭心」

*一切的美好往往都会被很多的障碍，困难保护着，以避免，消极，懒惰，放弃的人偷走它！

历少笔

Where Is He When You Need Him?

Has this scenario ever played out in your relationship?
You and your partner are getting along just fine and, with no notice, something changes. He’s no longer attentive to your needs, it feels like he hasn’t asked you how you are in days, and there is a cold wind blowing through your bedroom. Your Martian has suddenly exited the building and he forgot to tell you he was going, or when he would return! Worse yet, you’re not sure if it’s your fault that he has pulled away!

This behavior change often occurs when stress has invaded a relationship and especially when it appears in a man’s life. For most men, the natural reaction to stress is to pull away to deal with the problem. While most women intellectually understand a man’s need to pull away, they tell us that it simply feels awful to them. Before a relationship can feel truly fulfilling to a woman, she needs to learn how to deal with this very necessary male behavior. Women also need to learn to recognize what is legitimate “cave” behavior, and when he is simply trying to avoid conflict or responsibility.

To begin, when a man is upset or stressed, he will automatically stop talking and go to his “cave.” No one else is allowed in that cave, not even his best friends. This doesn’t mean that there is a problem in the relationship; it simply means that he has a problem that he’s trying to solve and he isn’t ready to talk about it, or ask for help. In fact, asking for help is the last thing a man in his cave would do because he is in there trying to solve the problem on his own. Remember, male self-esteem is based in part on his ability to solve problems, and to accomplish the things necessary to be a good man, and partner. Once he has enough time to either come to a solution, or he realizes he needs assistance, he will come out.

If it feels like your partner has pulled away because of stress, the most helpful thing that you can do is to trust that he will return when he’s ready and able. On the other hand, if you feel that there’s a bigger issue related to your relationship that he is avoiding, you need to communicate your feelings to him in a way that he is open to hearing. Men and women have very different communication styles, and women need to learn to speak “their language” if they want to encourage men to talk about something they’re avoiding. How many times have we offered a “helpful” comment to our partner only to have it blow up into a big misunderstanding?

Below are a few pointers for talking to a Martian:

Keep it brief. Before you open up to him, make sure that you are clear on what you want to say.

If you’re not clear, practice before talking to him. You also want to be sure that whomever you practice with will not judge you or your situation; it could cloud your ability to really work through what you need to say.

Stay positive. If you find yourself wanting to get angry, blame him, or argue, then this is the wrong time to talk. That is exactly the time to talk to a girlfriend, coach, or someone you trust to fully express your feelings.

If you’re not sure why your partner has pulled away, or if it’s because of a problem in your relationship, a Mars Venus Coach can help you to clarify what’s really going on. Relationships can be complicated and our coaches can help you to isolate what the true source of conflict is and what you can do to fix the problem.
O
ften the solution is right in front of us and we can’t see it because we’re too close to the problem. What feels like impending doom may be something quite harmless... and, unfortunately, sometimes what seems like a small problem may be hiding a canyon of issues that need to be dealt with.

Do you have questions about this article? Do you need help understanding how this information can change your life? Talk to one of our expertly trained relationship specialists today and get the answers you are looking for. You can call from the privacy of any phone, and our operators are available to assist you with processing your call.
Call 1-888-627-7836 for details and a personal message from Dr. John Gray.

Reccomended books, Men from Mars, Women from venus - Dr John Gray

-Love Andrew tan

真正爱你的男人的-------21种表现

真正爱你的男人-----21种表现

1.真正爱你的男人，一下子说不出真正爱你的理由，只知道自己顾不上注意别人。　　

2.真正爱你的男人，其实总惹你生气，你却发觉不了他到底做错了什么。　　

3.真正爱你的男人，很少当面赞美你，可是心里肯定你是他最棒的。　　

4.真正爱你的男人，会在你忘记回复他短信时狠狠地说你一顿。　　

5.真正爱你的男人，只可能在你一个人的面前流眼泪，当你触摸到他时，也触摸到了那颗只为你跳动的心。　　

6.真正爱你的男人，会默默地记住你不经意说过的话，在某时某刻重复它们。　　

7.真正爱你的男人，不会轻易做出承诺，因为他想让自己成为你心中说话最算话的男子汉，只想给你最可靠最安全的幸福。　　

8.真正爱你的男人，总告诉你不要胡思乱想，因为其实他在为你们谋划着最美丽真实的未来。同时让你无忧无虑地等待他要给你的惊喜。　　

9.真正爱你的男人，可能不像你一样清楚地记得某些纪念日，他觉得爱你是每时每刻的，并不是*这几天简单的日子。　　

10.真正爱你的男人，不会轻易对你当面说"我爱你"，因为他为你做过的每件事都已经这么说了。除非在非常时刻，为了不让你无端地误解他。　　

11.真正爱你的男人，总觉得有些话只说一遍就够了，因为你已经了解他的心。说得多了，他会觉得不珍贵。　　

12.真正爱你的男人，如果他去机场接你，不会像你期望的那样捧着玫瑰大声叫"亲爱的"，只是自然地提过你的行李，然后想用眼睛抱紧你似的心疼地说，怎么瘦得像豆芽菜了?

13.真正爱你的男人，当你发脾气时，只会不做声地听你把火发完，然后慢慢地说，你明天还要上班啊!早点睡吧。 　　

14.真正爱你的男人，不懂当你生气挂掉电话后应该立即打来，过了若干小时后会发条短信问你消气了没有?如果你质问他为何这么久才打来，他会理直气壮的说，你生气时我的解释一定没有用，等你的火消了，我的解释才有效果。　　

15.真正爱你的男人，总是叫你小姑娘，可是每次他做什么重大的决定，却总想先听听你的建议。　　

16.真正爱你的男人，不喜欢玩具小毛熊，却一直把你送他的小熊放在床头。　　

17.真正爱你的男人，当和你发生争执时，总是控制不了地先妥协，先承认"我错了"，过后发来短信以"神经病"开头，以"宝贝"结尾。事实上你也清楚，这次是你有点无理取闹。　　

18.真正爱你的男人，很想很想你时，也会买玫瑰送你，傻傻地等着你，却不知道自己捧的是月季。没关系，他的心里送的是玫瑰。　　

19.真正爱你的男人，嘴巴都不甜，但是他的吻能传递他所有的热情。　　

20.真正爱你的男人，当听到你对他讲很"娇滴滴"的话时，他反而会装得很正经，其实心里很甜很甜。　　

21.真正爱你的男人，如果不能经常见到你，他会让自己忙碌起来，为了不去想你，因为他知道一想你将会一发不可收拾。

Happy Mother`s Day

母亲节快乐
在这祝所有伟大的妈妈们，母亲节快乐

这张照片里，幸福，亮丽的女士，就是我妈妈。 祝你母亲节快乐！

女人，就是会吃醋的，妈妈也是女人，希望大家就借这个机会告诉你的妈妈你有多爱他。忙碌的生活，繁忙的节奏，让我们忽略了身边很多重要的事，忘了努力的打拚原来就是为了“家人”，而又因为这样而忽略了原先推动力的圆点 - 家人

我的朋友们，就借这个机会，告诉你妈妈，你有多爱她吧... 买个小礼物，送一张卡，甚至是简单的简讯，对她们来说都是最珍贵的...

有时朋友告诉我，啊... 我不习惯做这些的... 但问问自己，当你生日，节日，等等.. 那你，又喜不喜欢收到这些祝福呢？你又会不会发简讯或什么的给朋友呢？

那为什么最重要的家人，妈妈，就说不习惯... 科技就是在你对最亲最熟的家人，感到不好意思的时候，来让你表达心意的！平时还是多用上天给与我们的天然资源吧。

不然就是, "不用啦，她知道得啦..."

鬼知道！不说出口的关心=零！ZERO 没人知道你在想什么的！拍戏都不是往往旁边有人帮主脚说出真相，是不是？有没有？现在不告诉你妈妈你有多爱他，请问要等什么时候说？

我也借这个机会告诉她，你在我们心目中的地位，

我妈妈在我的心目中是无人可以取代的， 因为你的名字叫“妈妈”

干妈，可以有很多，但妈妈，就只有一个，这个地位，也只有你可以有，在我们家里，我和弟弟都是一样的共识。。。 请你知道这份爱，比任何人都来得更深，更亲，这就是只有母亲才能有的。。。母亲节快乐

Adrian & Sandra 幸福的开始 - 之大哥的祝福

今天，3月14日2009, 我非常高兴，因为是我弟弟的大日子，也是我们陈家的大喜之日，真的是喜气洋洋，热闹得很。。。

我还记得，

好几年前，我弟还在当兵时，有个女生，三天两头就跑来我家，说要帮我弟弟拿gameboy。。。 就从老远的 jurong 跑来 yishun 在从 yishun 跑回 jurong 的兵营拿去给我弟，

不然就是拿老婆饼，ang gu kueh 之类的复古点心，哈哈.... 给我们家人吃。那时我们家,心里在想，这女生真的不错。。。

有一回，

印象挺深的，因为那时我朋友也在，我弟刚从兵营回来，他只要把背包放下，

就好了！

他也可以完全放心的等到要回兵营时，再把已经整理好的背包，《已放好在原位》，再带回去，

就可以了 ！

不细心的女生是做不到的，说印象很深，是因为，那回，我弟的脚好像中了感染，他就在玩Game, 这女生就蹲在旁帮他敷脚，那时我和我朋友都说，这女生，好！

又有一次，

发现她在厕所，去了很久都没出来，在想, 发生了什么事？后来才发现, 原来她看见厕所有点脏，就干脆的把厕所给洗刷了。这时候，我们就知道这女生不止对我弟好，她对他家人也很照顾，这女生的品格真是棒！

今天我好开心，
因为我弟能够娶到一个这么好的老婆，她的名字就是“如芳”
我知道，她必定能够成为我弟的贤内助，协助，支持与鼓励她丈夫，无论是在事业，家庭，生活，助他，一臂之力。

至于我弟其实就不必再多说，哈哈。。。

他做事认真，一心一意，很负责任，非常踏实，给人很有安全感，真的可说是“一表人才”
找丈夫就要找这样的啦！真的像我弟这样的强手货，真的很难找了！真的恭喜恭喜
我知道我弟，他“绝对能够给你幸福的!”

在这里，我相信，
你们从决定要结婚，并向大家和我们宣布要结婚，一路走来,直到今天，你们一定在，做人处事，人与人之间的相处，等等，都体会与成长很多。
今天我们全家那么幸福，美满，这可说是我们全家人，一起的努力。

我们还要继续努力，让这个幸福持续下去。。。

这过程里，

我看到你们在碰到问题时，你们夫妻一条心，一起去面对，一起寻找解决方案，互相商量，体谅，包容对方，我感到真的很欣慰，而从中也在你们身上学到很多，你们真的做得很好！

当然在处理问题时，难免会有意见不同，甚至吵架的时候，但吵架，其实是一个机会，

一个让你更加了解对方的机会。


在这，
我想和你们分享，如何让你更了解对方，更有默契，的七项规则

建立您幸福，美满婚姻的七项规则
这条路我们要一起走下去，碰到错则，挑战时难免会有不同的看法，意见，吵架是让我们更了解对方的机会，所以我们一定要遵守我们定下的这七项规则

1. 永不分离
不管发生什么事，都不可以有分离的念头，夫妻一条心，没有事情是不能解决的，因为问题也是人制造出来的

2. 不谈过去
不谈过去的事情，因为你都已经知道，或都也已经是过去了，最重要的是现在，和未来

3. 不人身攻击

4. 注意声量
尽量把声音压低

5. 注意情绪
如果情绪太激动，不如先走开，等自己平静点在谈，因为话在
嘴里你能控制，话说了出来，它会在对方的心理造成怎样的伤害你不能控制

6. 针对事情而不是人
问题在事情，不能接受的是那一时的行为，不是哪个人，因为，人你早已接受了

7. 以告诉对方你的感受来交淡
举例- 我感到.. 我很… 等等. 这可以真正让对方知道，那行为所造成的影响
你弄到我， 你把我， 这可是差很多的， 因为是指责性的,而没人是喜欢被指责的，所以会更难找出问题的真正根源

我把这送给你们，
你们夫妻俩，可以自己修改，定下属于你们自己的规则，祝你们幸福美满，百年好合


很久以前就已经把这女孩当做一家人，
但今天起，正式成为了我们的一分子，从今天起，要称呼陈太太了，哈哈！至于我们陈家，就简单啦。。。
请翻阅家规共一千三百零一页，并熟背每条家规，哈哈！开玩笑的啦。。。
只有一个要求，要孝顺爸妈。。。




幸福原来就是这么一回事。。。

累不累？ 累。。。

辛不辛苦？

不辛苦。

幸福开始了。。。

建立您幸福，美满婚姻，感情的七项规则

建立您幸福，美满婚姻的七项规则
这条路我们要一起走下去，碰到错则，挑战时难免会有不同的看法，意见，吵架是让我们更了解对方的机会，所以我们一定要遵守我们定下的这七项规则

1. 永不分离
不管发生什么事，都不可以有分离的念头，夫妻一条心，没有事情是不能解决的，因为问题也是人制造出来的

2. 不谈过去
不谈过去的事情，因为你都已经知道，或都也已经是过去了，最重要的是现在，和未来

3. 不人身攻击

4. 注意声量
尽量把声音压低

5. 注意情绪
如果情绪太激动，不如先走开，等自己平静点在谈，因为话在
嘴里你能控制，话说了出来，它会在对方的心理造成怎样的伤害你不能控制

6. 针对事情而不是人
问题在事情，不能接受的是那一时的行为，不是哪个人，因为，人你早已接受了

7. 以告诉对方你的感受来交淡
举例- 我感到.. 我很… 等等. 这可以真正让对方知道，那行为所造成的影响
你弄到我，你把我， 这可是差很多的， 因为是指责性的,而没人是喜欢被指责的，所以会更难找出问题的真正根源